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Trying to make sense of all that floods my mind.

We were fine, well as “fine” as two people in our situation will ever be. I love you and you love me, that’ s clear…but you want to rule, you want to dictate and I have spent my life being dictated. Your actions, your statements remind me so much of words that were once spoken by my father, grandfather, uncles, brothers…all the males that I have come across who believe that a woman is but property of theirs, whose only purpose is to serve. I promised myself that I would never be that person, then I realized that I actually liked girls. For the first years I believed that if I was to dress like a boy I should act the way they all did…after becoming someone I hated it became clear that I wanted nothing more than to never resemble any of them. I changed I began treating females the way they deserve. You came along and I made it a point to love you with my whole heart and treat you like a queen. I dropped the ball a few times, but after realizing my mistake I would become better. In your mind I would always be a a monster who once fucked up, in my mind you were a human being dealing with too much. In your mind it was a matter of time before I did something else, in my mind you were perfect but perfection can have flaws. I was willing to forgive anything because that’s what you do when you love how I love you. You couldn’t wait to kick me out of your life. I don’t what I did wrong, when was it that I should’ve put my foot down and told you that we were a couple that you didn’t own me. That you could ask me to do things but not tell me or make me do anything. 

In a relationship where there’s two girls, there is a lot of estrogen and strong emotions, jealousy times two, love times two, insecurities times a thousand. It’s all so intense, but I like to think that I tried and tried and I would have kept trying because you were worth it. I have too much to live for…I wish you were by my side

Saying that I’m obsessing over you, would be, putting mildly